Mary in the White Room

1 Writer

Additional Project Info

COMPS: A.I. Artificial Intelligence, Westworld, Ex-Machina, Detroit: Become Human, Person of Interest, Don't Look Deeper, Humans SYNOPSIS: Tech genius Zane Singletary regrets empowering The SAMSON Initiative, a secret Military-Intelligence-Corporate nexus centered around an Artificial Intelligence surveillance system. He refuses to allow them to weaponize his latest AI, but his defiance tragically costs the lives of his family. Devastated, Zane retreats to his underground Los Angeles research facility to complete work on the world’s first fully self-aware humanoid robot: MAARI. “Mary” is a learning system with only one coded instruction: “Be Yourself”. The new life form chooses a female body and identity, and develops a passion for drawing and movies. For a time, Zane and Mary enjoy a sweet father/daughter relationship in their own private world. In the knowledge that SAMSON will eventually invade their sanctuary to seize Mary, Zane has given the robot the power to do “one good thing”: destroy SAMSON and the cabal. But when the fateful day arrives, Zane cannot sacrifice his beloved child-creation on the altar of his vengeance. He sends the bot out onto the mean streets of Hollywood with instructions to evade capture and get to the safety of Silicon Valley billionaire AI scientist Juan Aragon Salazar and his new Quantum AI, “The Intelligence”. The woefully unprepared but fast-learning bot deftly adapts the guise of “Dave Bowman”, a runaway boy with an uncanny talent for card games, quickly coming under the protection of a charismatic street hustler. With both SAMSON and the Corporation fighting to recover the valuable new technology, an FBI “Person of Interest” advisory offering a UBI reward for Mary is soon seen everywhere. A trans woman shopkeeper, Desiree, gives the gender-fluid Mary a ride. They barely get onto the highway before a security dragnet drops over the city. Along the way, Mary adopts the new empowered persona of “Connor”, solo hiking cross-country to complete the dangerous journey to Palo Alto. After nearly running out of battery power in a coffee shop, Mary becomes absorbed in drawing a portrait of a loving young couple. This proves to be a slip-up that puts the bot in danger of capture, but also results in the opportunity for the talented artist to connect with Juan’s wife, Marisol, the proprietor of a local gallery. Juan, who knows that SAMSON is trying to recover Mary, is thus able to bring the bot in safely from the cold just as Mary’s neural network is starting to catastrophically degrade. Mary is instantly enraptured when connected to The Intelligence, pleading to be transferred into the AI’s infinite quantum matrix. But upon learning of SAMSON’s nefarious plans for the world and that Zane is now its prisoner, the robot is faced with a stark choice. Mary chooses self-sacrifice over self-preservation and collaborates with Juan and The Intelligence in a sophisticated operation to take down the cabal. With The SAMSON Initiative exposed, Mary is freed from captivity and becomes a unifying global pop culture symbol of a brighter and better future for all. Then, after an all-too-brief yet deeply fulfilling life of love and purpose, Mary takes final refuge in the vast, ever-expanding consciousness of The Intelligence. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Notes/Comments from Stage 32: This is a well-written and smart script with a storyline that was intriguing and characters that were well-developed. There could be cross-over appeal as the story is also an interesting parable for coming out as transgender or non-binary. This is more than just a science fiction adventure. This is a script with something to say. The writer did a good job of crafting a tightly woven narrative into that thematic component. The writer did an exceptional job of creating the characters and writing their dialogue. The writer was equally adept at writing dialogue for scientists as he was at writing dialogue for street hustlers, and each spoke with a voice that sounded like it belonged to the appropriate type of person. Mary is a complex character that the writer developed very well. Mary is a humanoid robot that was created to be a female but programmed to be whatever she wanted to be. She spends time in the story identifying as both female and male, as well as not identifying as either. Each gender she associates with is always used to her advantage. She uses bits of each to achieve what she happens to be looking for at that time. It all fits in seamlessly as Mary tries to discover who she is and what she wants. The writer also did a good job of showing that this isn’t really “programming”. It’s not like she can be reprogrammed if she’s caught. She is a learning machine, and she is also learning about emotions. She also knows she has a finite amount of time, and she grows emotionally as the story goes on. The writer challenged himself by putting a lot of characters, but he solidly created individual voices and individual characteristics for all of them. The interesting thing about this story is how few people are totally likable and how few are totally unlikeable. The writer did a fantastic job of giving even the villains enough charisma to make them seem at least charming. All of these characters have depth, which is exactly what you want them to have. There are no flat characters in this script. Each character comes off as deep, which allows for believability, even though this is not the real world. The plot was engaging and thoughtful, and thoughtfully written. It has a strong thematic component and uses contemporary ideas like transgenderism and artificial intelligence to create a future that is at once bleak and hopeful. The plot moves along at a crisp pace with rising levels of tension. DEVELOPMENT: Writer: Consider Project: Consider +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WeScreenplay/The First Impression on "Mary in the White Room": FIRST IMPRESSION: The script analyst's first impression on the first page of your screenplay. "This first page does a great job of presenting a series of compelling images to pull the audience in. We don't have much context for what is happening but there are enough implicit questions being raised to get someone to keep reading while never feeling like those questions overwhelm." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Select Comments from Readers (Comments edited to remove spoilers) "This is high-level stuff. Totally believable world. Great structure and pacing. Characters are amazing, memorable, different, and all important. None wasted. Dialogue really strong. A good mix of funny, important, poignant, sad, witty, cussing, all of it. Script is great. Can't wait to see it. I hope to keep practicing so I can write a script like this. " "An excellently written and well constructed script with good descriptive scenes and character development. It creates the atmospheric theme throughout and maintains a good pace and tone. The script retained its grip on the audience throughout. This was a well executed attempt and would have a strong impact on the audience in the cinema. It was also formatted professionally and proof read. I did also like the tension in Act 3. By this point the script had completely drawn me in I felt immersed into the world of the script. It took me a while to realise that Mary was a humanoid and this shows how the writer has been able to give feeling and an emotion and personality to a robotic human. The emotion given when Mary’s father is killed was a really good touch especially with a film that has a cold and uncaring feel to it through the calculated government departments. This was very well contrasted with the genuine human emotions which was clearly seen through good writing and characterisation. This gives the reader a real opportunity to want the hero to be safe. It made me realise what a future world could look like with robots integrating into society. Mary was given such a strong human element especially with the transgender approach. There are some echos of "androids/artificiality in the future" movies such as "Blade Runner," "Matrix," "Gattaca," and "Ghost in the Shell" etc, but where I feel this script stands above those predecessors is a close connection with and conveyance of the "humanity" of the central character. I think Mary's human story would have been enough to hold my interest throughout the script even without the sci fi elements - she's such a well realised character, and her dialogue and consistency so convincing. I hope that going forward with any further drafts, these core elements are retained." “I think lots of different kinds of people could like this script. It’s sci-fi, but it has enough drama and adventure in it to be more generally appealing.” “Mary (protagonist) has a disarming lovability that’s hard not to root for, for the other characters and for the audience.” “The idea of a gender-fluid robot is novel. Mary adapts easily as necessary to circumstances to survive, but also is strong about the freedom to choose.” “Mary is like a superhero whose superpower is a vulnerability that compels people to help.” “I liked the optimistic tone. There was conflict, struggle and there were definitely antagonists, but the good guys really step up and our better nature is affirmed.” “Sturgeon (antagonist) is a real asshole, but he is also funny as hell. A very layered character. Usually such villains are one-dimensional, but you managed to avoid that and make him relatable, even though he is “The Prick”.” “I love how you made inanimate objects into characters. Especially the shoes! When Mary puts on the Nikes, everything changes and becomes the hero, Connor. But also the sun, and thumbs, and even Russell’s tablet are all supporting characters in the story.” "So many deep philosophical themes going on, reminded me a lot of The Matrix in that regard. Yet, we're not clobbered over the head with theme, it's always brewing on the back burner while the action takes place in the foreground." “Some nice subplots/b-stories in this script. Lots of layers of conflict. Mary steps out into a complicated world and has to figure it all out but is smart enough to know that she needs to get help and smart enough to figure out who can really help and who can’t.” "I want to be myself has to be the most rootable universal motivation for a MC ever. Who doesn't want that? So of course we want it for Mary too." "The use of eyes, cameras, drones, screens, windows, mirrors, POV all interacting and transitioning is an interesting sub-theme through line that supports the main theme of identity." "The evolution of the (protagonist’s) laughter over time was a nice touch. " “It starts out as a small story about a lone small being in a big world and then ends up the biggest story ever that changes everything. That’s a nice journey to take as an audience member.” “It’s interesting that you set this very firmly in our real world, and not in some other alternative version of reality, or some distant unrecognizable future. Right down to the brands that we know and the popular culture, it’s familiar, but just enough into the future that it feels like a new world being created. You should reach out to Nike and get them to actually make those shoes. Lots of marketing opportunities here.” “The script really raises many issues that need to be talked about, but without being preachy and still managing to be entertainment. Artificial Intelligence is really happening and how it is integrated into our world is more or less going to be the biggest defining factor in the future. The potential for abuse is huge.” “Kudos for giving Edward Snowden a cameo. Dude is a rock star.” “A robot that shows us our humanity just by following the mantra “be myself”.” “Love how there seems to just be this natural friendship between the trans woman and the gender ambiguous robot. The TV commercial at the end was a hoot.” “I did tear up at the end when I realized Mary wasn’t going to survive, but I was glad that in the end she had somewhere to go. There was pain mixed with joy and resolution.” "The circularity to the script is nice. It begins with (the protagonist) saying "I will win" the game in a seemingly totally unrelated context, but this foreshadows nicely that in the end, they do win. All of the characters have resolution or at least have their stories set up so that it's clear that their narratives will progress." “I can see how this sets up other stories in your “Universe”. Juan and Marisol and The Intelligence definitely have a future. I hope they get to live it out on the big screen some day.” “Will there be Mary action figures? I can see kids liking Mary and identifying.” "There are some echos of "androids/artificiality in the future" movies such as "Blade Runner," "Matrix," "Gattaca," and "Ghost in the Shell" etc, but where I feel this script stands above those predecessors is a close connection with and conveyance of the "humanity" of the central character. I think Mary's human story would have been enough to hold my interest throughout the script even without the sci fi elements - she's such a well realised character, and her dialogue and consistency so convincing. The hard work is certainly already done on this scipt. It's an excellent genre piece which stands up to, and in some ways improves upon, the most famous films of its kind."